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| Photo from Lady Bird (2017), dir. Greta Gerwig |
I want to know your dreams, like how you've known mine. Your dreams back before I was born.
Dear Mama,
In an introspection, perhaps our bond was not like the intense nor calming waves crashing to the shore. Instead, it was like a mountain we needed to cross so we could gaze at the same viewpoint. What we have is not always sentimental because finding the value of something does not come with a snap of a finger. It demands time and growth to see that a mother is beyond the surface level of connection. Our dynamic is simple; a single mother and an only child, but it was worth telling. For it was a tale that can only be felt when known.
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| Photo from Brave (2012), dir. Brenda Chapman & Mark Andrews |
We do not fit in the category of a perfectionist mother and an obedient daughter. It is peculiar to label you as a cool mother with a passive-aggressive disposition. Before, I could not comprehend your reservations and I mistakenly took that as your mask to contradict my freedom, but that was you trying to be a mother, in the ways you know you can be. It was a difficult puzzle for me to solve at a young age—not knowing that you were also trying to solve it on your own so I won’t feel that there was a missing piece. You effortlessly stitched it together as you made me feel complete.
I still remember the first Korean drama you watched, and how you told me that you cried. I asked you why and you said that it was the closest thing you have seen that resonated with your motherhood. From that point, a question in my head required attention. It remains unsettled, but out of curiosity: what did you give up just to have me?
Sometimes, I think about how you were as a woman before I was born. If I will be given a chance to talk to your maiden self, I have a lot of things to ask her; what are your hobbies? Do you like fashion? Did you enjoy your youth? What are your dreams? Did it change or shift when I was born?
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| Photo from Pinterest |
To me, you are my tower of strength. The greatest gift you shared with me is your love. A love that is freeing, and that alone is enough. It is enough for me to give back that kind of love to my loved ones because your freeing love is a type of redemption, which shed light on the person I am now. Writing footnotes is easy when my success mirrors your compassion for me.
A little bit older and wiser today, I understand now.
You want me to live life how I want it to be.
Sometimes the things you hoped for do not always go accordingly with your way, but you’re steadfast with your chin still raised. You always try to take a different path so I can walk on it comfortably, and the appreciation I have for you further bloomed, deep-rooted with respect and honor. You are not just a mother but an independent woman of your league—a figure that I aspire to be.
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| Photo from Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018), dir. Ol Parker |
There are things I cannot say directly because what we have is a progress of learning and unlearning—you, being my mother, and me, being your daughter.
I may or may not be like you in the future, but you will remain my epitome of grit, brilliance, and finesse. In this lifetime of mine, I am grateful to be raised by a headstrong woman. There is no absolute answer as to how a mother should be, but there's only one thing I have come to understand: once they embrace being a mother, they never stop being one.
And I’m also writing this for those who mothered their children independently. We see you. We know your effort, and we feel it—because a love that nurtures is a love that persists.
P.S. Here’s a little gift you may share with your mother.
