Lonely these holidays? Here's why and what you can do about it

Photo by Mikaela Orolfo

Everyone’s a bit more whole of something this season. As the most festive time of the year comes along, there is eventually the time to be merry. Who wouldn’t be? If the whole country is neck deep into celebrating the Christmas spirit? Because of such, everyone is expected to witness the abundance of this celebration through tradition.

However, we must recognize individuals who don’t have the energy to deck the halls, those who are not jolly 'tis season. It is important to note that a variety of emotions exist within this period. Considerations must be present since there are people who are content with being alone. There are some who display no sense of the holiday spirit whatsoever, which can shift just as easily into emotional isolation. Hence, we must talk about the phenomenon of holiday loneliness.

What is holiday loneliness and why does it occur?

Loneliness is a personal concept for everyone. However, most occurrences yield a sense of emotional distance resulting in being socially isolated. Usually, circumstances are heightened during the festive season, wherein people tend to be closer to their loved ones and make individuals who can't relate to such connection fall to suffer the holiday blues. The following would be the common reasons:

Abundant triggers

The holidays contain countless sensory reminders of memories. Hence, bittersweet feelings of nostalgia and grief may be reactivated. According to Dr. Mary Lamia, triggers that rely on these spent moments could resurface through our sense of smell, hearing, taste, and sight since the holidays connotatively remind us of those who are close to our hearts.

Catching the blues during the holidays can be difficult to avoid since it’s inevitable to come to a halt and pay attention to our senses during this time, resulting in us going back to certain nostalgic memories the moment we are exposed to the seasons’ aromas, sounds, and visual appeal. This, in turn, progressively makes us long for the good tidings of past celebrations.

When reality does not meet the expectations

Another reason is that yearly, we witness different ads, commercials, and social media posts on what must the “most wonderful time of the year” should look like. This leads to us setting up the expectation that the holidays must be spent with ease, and should be hassle-free. 

We then form an inner conflict that pressures us when events turn out different from what we wanted. Dr. Alfiee Breland notes that everything this season seems to build a sense of a perfectly curated event. It can be upsetting to have to reconcile our reality with the picturesque holiday that we envisioned for ourselves. 

Comparison would shadow our experience, conjuring questions such as “why can’t I have the same presents as them?” “Good for them—spending their holidays on an island getaway!” or “I wish I had someone to say ‘Merry Christmas, love’ to.” All these drive our valuation of the self, which then measures our own festive meter.

Photo by Ovnew-Eatsploration on Behance 

Ways to cope with holiday loneliness 

Even though this acknowledgment of the seasonal blues sounds like a dejected admission, there are always ways to conquer or lessen the blow of holiday loneliness. Below are the following methods:

Recognize your emotions!

Trying to deny it won’t help you. Having a sense of awareness of the pain, grief, and longing that you may be experiencing is healthy and crucial if you ever want to deal with it productively. As Dr. Breland states, "a range of emotions is a natural state of being.” To be overwhelmed is a common occurrence. What we can do is let the loneliness slow down and pass us by.

Acknowledge that we are not built to feel joy all of the time. A guide to a peaceful holiday is to navigate all the highs and lows, to name all our current emotions, and to detract from our inner ignorance that neglects our well-being.

Have a little self-kindness by reimagining your holidays

Holiday loneliness is a mental battle. Yes, you have grievances at the moment. Yes, the empty feeling may not go away as easily, but think to yourself that you deserve to feel merry, nonetheless.

It’s time to reimagine your circumstances—to live in the present! Focusing less on what you don’t have would make the season much more convincing to smile about. Even if feelings of disconnect and isolation persist, it does not mean they’ll last forever.

Consequently, you should allow yourself to crave self-care. If bad experiences have already consumed your past, then slowly but surely, make new habits that could shadow them. Be kinder to yourself by feeding your interests and motivations this holiday!

If the solution is for you to spend a trip and meditate, then don't hesitate to do so. If it requires you to be with fellow people who feel the burden of loneliness—do so! After all, strangers can be the best allies for troubled souls. Simply put, do yourself a favor and try to reach out to others and let yourself be guided by them.

Photo from Pinterest, Uploaded by Emily Simms 

Ultimately, the holidays may feel like a random, demanding, and arbitrary event that’ll happen in a handful of weeks, but everything about the season will come and go like any other time in the calendar. What’s important is that you acknowledge and persevere over whatever disappointment that may come your way during this time of the year, making it a time to be kinder and a lot more appreciative of yourself.

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas!